(you can see the images in the gallery were captured by me)
2 brothers, a rocking ride 2 stardom, then it was over. For the first time on TV, former NK Jonathan Knight and the terror that drove him down the stage.

(The show starts and you see Oprah and Jon standing by her and it's obvious he's going through a panic attack, looking up in the air, trying to breathe, eyes watering..."

O- "You Ok, Are you really ok ?"

Jon just nods and keeps playing with his hands and trying to breathe

O- "Imagine feeling like you can't breathe, your heart's pounding, you're disoriented and you feel like you're going to die. This is how you're probably feeling like right now ?" (She asks and turns to Jon)

Jon - "Oh..... Yes" (and smiles)

O- "But you're going to be ok (she wraps an arm around him and just rubs up and down his back and neck) This is how people describe a panic attack. If you're one of the 19 million Americans suffering anxiety you know what it is like for one suffering it to stand here on TV. This is what's happening to Jonathan right now. This is our guests' everyday living nightmare. The fear of suffering another panic attack becomes so consuming that sometimes they can't even leave home. Jonathan Knight knows it all too well. You might remember Jonathan from one of the first boy-band phenomenon of our time The New Kids on the block"

Audience Cheer and Clap hands

O- "he grew up, he grew up"

Jon smiles

O- "On the outside he seemed to have it all, but in the inside, many days he was feeling as you can see him struggling today to hold it together. This is Jonathan's first time talking about it on TV"

(They show a clip - Scenes and parts of the interview filmed at Jon's Essex house... Looks like he still lives there...)

Jon - "The whole NK's thing was crazy, the more it grew, the more I felt like I was trapped. I just always had this feeling inside of me, of always being nervous and afraid of situations. The hardest thing for me was to do interviews, doing talk-shows, photo sessions, being in the studio, just because you're being with so many people, you just get shaky, your heart starts pounding, dry mouth like a little bit like I have now"

They show a clip of Jon on stage during the NK's days

Jon - "We were in Spain and it just really hit me I don't want to be here, I want to be home, I don't want to be around this situation anymore, it's causing me so much stress, so much anxiety"

You see Jon walk around his land in Essex and Oprah's voice comes on

O- "At age 23, Jon became a recluse and disappeared from any sort of public life. Moved to a farm in the country where he still lives today coping with his panic disorder"

Jon - "From 1994 to 1997, I did nothing, I slept, slept, and slept. If I was awake I had to deal with things, do things, and to avoid that I just stayed in bed. You go through the whole thing thinking I'm weird, I'm strange and it makes your whole self shrink even more, it makes it worst"

END of Clip, back to Studio

O (Looking at Jon) - So, how are you now ?

Jon - "I'm good now, but you should've been backstage in the green room (he laughs nervously)... I'm fine"

O- "I think it's brave of you to be here today, cuz a lot of people who suffer this haven't been out for years. So, the fact that you're here is huge"

Jon (looks a little calmer, but still nervous) - "Yeah. Actually It was one of the reasons why I came. I just wanted to prove that I could do this. And it was hard. I just came back from a vacation and my vacation was hard, I was thinking about it every day"

O- "About being here sitting in this chair?"

Jon - "Yeah and I'm here. I'm fine. I feel really relaxed right now"

Oprah looks at him and smiles

O- "This is you relaxed?" she asks

Everybody laughs, including Jon

Jon - "Yeah, I'm feeling good"

O- "Ok, did you have to take some medication to make it to this day?"

Jon - "Yeah, I did this morning"

O- "This is you in medications"

Jon- "This is me on medications"

They laugh

O- "So, when was your first Panic attack?"

Jon- "The first time that I remember, I was just a little boy. I remember being in the choir with my brother and I used to have it so bad, I'd just pass out"

O- "I Know you explained it on the clip, but how does it feel like?"

Jon- "I guess the best way to explain it, is like someone jumping out on you, screaming.  Adrenaline goes through your whole body. You get all shaky, makes you really tired. When I have to deal with situations, I don't want to deal with I just go to bed or lie on the couch"

O- "how did you survive all those years pretending not to feel this with the NK's"

Jon - "I think Luckily I was in a group, I had 4 guys I could lean on during interviews and talk
shows"

O- "Did they know you had it that bad?"

Jon- "I don't know, I never really talked about it"

O- "Did you know it had a name?"

Jon- "I didn't know what it was. I always knew the effects, but it wasn't before 1997 that I just like thought something's wrong here, I have to go talk to a doctor. And sometimes you're ashamed, you don't want to go talk to a doctor, you don't want to admit that something's Not wrong, but different with you, so I guess this is why I put it off for so long.."

O- "Some things trigger it ? Like coming to the show"

Jon laughs

Jon - "Yeah, you trigger it"

They both laugh

O- "Oh I'm sorry'

Jon - "I'll need more vacation after this"

They laugh again, then they show Jordan sitting in the audience

O- "Jonathan's brother and heartthrob of the group (you see Jordan making a surprised face and mouthing "heartthrob?" he's so modest lol) had his own anxiety to deal with during the New Kids' craze..."

(They show a part of GITY's video)

Jordan Knight is very familiar with the fears that his brother still battles. As NK's lead singer he too suffered an anxiety disorder that almost ended his career (You see Jordan nodding and Jon struggling playing with his hands)

(They show a clip of Jordan during his NK's years and at his house in Milton)

Oprah's voice over the clip - he was the darling of the group, but Jordan Knight, the lead singer felt the pressure of their spotlight just like his older brother Jonathan.

(Jordan at home in Milton)

Jordan - There was a lot of criticism over, were we talented, could we sing, we were manufactured and I had to prove these people that we were really good

Oprah's voice over clip - "The intense criticism had a physical effect on Jordan and he began having anxiety attacks on stage"

Jordan - "My heart would be pounding, my voice would tremble, sometimes It'd be hard to breathe. I wouldn't feel my feet on the floor. Definitely, during performance I just really wanted to get out"

Oprah's voice over clip - "1 year after NK's broke up, Jordan contemplated a solo career"

Jordan - "I was worried about me being on stage alone. Me putting it all the way and that really scared me and I was like I gotta do something"

Oprah's voice over clip - "If he ever was to perform again, Jordan knew he had to get help"

You see Jordan sitting in his lounge reading a book, his feet up on the coffee table


Jordan - "I bought 2 or 3 books about how to overcome anxiety. One of the tips was to get into this meditative state, just to get calmed and relaxed and picture yourself do what you fear"

(You see Jordan meditating, just like I do everyday, I do I really do :))

Oprah's voice over clip - "Jordan learned he had to face his fears of performing one step at the time"

Jordan - "What I did first was just go to the piano bar and just watched and then I got enough courage to actually go and sing a song, but I would go incognito at first, then the next week I'd take off my glasses, then the next week Id take my hat off, then the next week I'd be like to the piano guy "Can you go a little faster and stuff like that (he laughs)". I think after that I was like I can do it"

END of clip - Back to Studio

(Jordan's sitting next to Jon who's still slightly struggling"

O (to Jordan) - "So, would you say you've overcome it?"

Jordan - "To an extent. I mean I'm nervous right now. Yesterday I was really nervous. But for the most part, I think...."

O- "You're not feeling what he's feeling right now?" (points to Jon)

Jordan (looks at Jon) - "No"

O- "Were you ever like this"

Jordan - "Uhm, I think he feels it a little more than I do"

Camera focuses on Jon, but Jordan keeps talking

Jordan - "Well.. A lot more and he always has, but I always knew what he was going through and I always had compassion for him. And when he wanted to leave the group I knew exactly why and I supported it"

O- "When you were all performing on stage, were you aware that he was having this kind of struggle?"

Jordan nods

Jordan - "Yes"

O (to Jon) - "You've been sitting here with us for a few minutes now, you know we're a really friendly group (looks at the audience)

Jon laughs, Jordan smiles

O- "Very friendly group. Does that help to calm you?"

Jon - "Yeah, definitely, Yeah"

Jordan - "I think one thing also when I was talking about going into a meditative state, doing that daily, what it does is that it puts you in the moment. The best thing to do is to try and be in the moment, to feel, to breathe, take it all in. I wasn't able to do that before, I would just be so worried..."

O (to Jon, touching his arm) - "But it obviously doesn't work out for you?"

Jordan and Jon laugh

Jon - "No, it works for me, to an extent"

O- "What are you feeling right now?"

Jon - "I'm just feeling like I'd rather be back on Waikiki beach, but uhm..."

O (looks at Jon) - So would we...

Everybody laughs including Jon

Jon  - "I think it helps knowing what the show is about. You know when you go on a show and people don't know what it's about, it makes it worst. Cuz if I sat here and started shaking, I'd be thinking you're looking at me like, Is this kid on drugs ? What's wrong with him?"

(Jordan nods)

O- "If I didn't know what it's about, I would think that, yeah"

Jon - "And I'd be thinking the audience is watching me and that just escalates the thing even more and you just... It just starts...." 

O- "Cause you feel like you're being judged?"

Jon - "Yeah"